For U.S. Residents Only

Your Parents

As you deal with lung cancer, your parents may be a great source of help and support. At the same time, your relationship with your parents and the ways they deal with problems may make you unsure what information about your cancer—or how much—you want to share. Many parents find it hard to cope with their "child’s" health problems, even when the "child" is an independent adult.

The news of your lung cancer may be difficult for your parents to handle, especially if they are in poor physical or emotional health. Keep in mind, though, that being able to talk openly about your condition, as well as your feelings, may create a less anxious environment for all of you.

Sharing the News

Generally, the amount of information you share with your parents depends on the answers to several questions:
  • What do you want to share with them? The news of your cancer, or all the details of treatment? Try to imagine their reactions, as well as how you will handle their reaction.

  • Why do you need them to know? Are you hoping they will offer emotional support and reassurance? If so, you’ll need to be prepared for the possibility that they may not be able to meet those needs, which can add to your stress.

  • How do they usually deal with problems? Are they able to face facts, or do they tend to ignore or overreact to problems?

  • How will they treat you after they find out? You may wish to share the news about your lung cancer because you don't want to face it alone. But your parents may not react the way you'd like them to. Will they see you as a child who needs them and "insist" on coming to take care of you? If so, will you be comfortable with that? If you would prefer they offer support in other ways, will you feel comfortable telling them what you need?

  • Can you tell one parent first? If you have better communication with your mother, for example, it might be easier to tell her first, and she can talk to your father.

Role Reversal

If your parents are elderly, they may be relying on you to be their caregiver, providing meals, running errands, or taking them to medical visits. Perhaps they even live with you. If so, and your energy level is lower, you may need help shifting those responsibilities now. Other family members or friends may be able to help out. There also are many community resources available for assistance with the elderly. For links to additional resources, please visit the For the Caregiver page of this Web site.

Sources of Information

Knowing where to find credible and accurate information is an important step toward helping your parents understand and cope with your disease. The following resources may help:
  • U.S. Department of Health and Human
    Services Administration on Aging
    Washington, DC 20201
    1-202-619-0724
    1-800-677-1116 (Eldercare Locator)
    http://www.aoa.gov
    Provides services for older Americans on support, nutrition, preventive health, The National Family Caregiver Support Program (NFCSP), and Eldercare Locator, a national toll-free service that finds local resources for callers.

  • National Institute on Aging
    Building 31, Room 5C27
    31 Center Drive, MSC 2292
    Bethesda, MD 20892
    1-301-496-1752
    http://www.nia.nih.gov
    Provides leadership in aging research, training, health information, and other programs relevant to aging and older people.

  • The National Council on the Aging (NCOA)
    300 D Street SW, Suite 801
    Washington, DC 20024
    1-202-479-1200
    http://www.ncoa.org
    Promotes the dignity, self-determination, well-being, and contributions of older persons through advocacy, research, and workforce development, and offers a free, confidential online service that screens seniors' eligibility for benefit programs.

Additional Resources

You may wish to read the following books for additional support and information for your parents and family:

Consumer Reports Complete Guide to Health
Services for Seniors: What Your Family Needs to
Know About Finding and Financing, Medicare, Assisted
Living, Nursing Homes, Home Care, Adult Day Care
Trudy Lieberman (Editor); Consumer Reports Editors
Three Rivers Press, Inc.
ISBN: 0-8129-3147-5, 384 pages
2000

How to Care for Aging Parents
Virginia Morris and Robert Butler
Workman Publishing
ISBN: 1-56305-435-3, 544 pages
1996

I Only Say This Because I Love You:
How the Way We Talk Can Make or Break
Family Relationships Throughout Our Lives
Deborah Tannen
Random House, Inc.
ISBN: 0-679-45601-5, 240 pages
2001